Let's get serious...
All through High school until I was skinny. I have always been between a size 2-4. 120 pounds.
Long story short... I am now currently a size 12 and weigh over 160 pounds. That makes me sick to say and i'm embarrassed to say it. But, I feel like I need to say it. Now everyone knows. My secret is out (even though I am sure it's obvious to everyone)!Within 3 years I went from a size 4 to a size 12. I need to make this STOP!
I feel weight has never been a problem for me. But, It is now.
My life is spiraling downwards... I honestly do not fit into any of my clothes. I currently have a couple pairs of pants and shirts. I have also found myself in depression. I grew up with family members who have depression. I hate depression and tell myself everyday I don't have it. But, deep down I know I do. I try to hide it as well as I can... I have also found myself as a depressed eater (which does not help). I get depressed because I eat so much... so I eat. Don't worry... it doesn't make sense to me either. I also have been pulling myself away from my friends and family. I've missed important events in my their lives because I simply do not want to be seen. I miss everyone.
What is funny is in high school I was anorexic. I never ate. EVER. Just a little bit here and there...All within one week I had one of my good friends (who I don't even think knows this) tell me... "Denise, I can see your ribs. You are so freakin skinny!" That grossed me out a bit. I had seen women who were so skinny that they looked nasty. I thought to myself "do I look that skinny?" Two days later in school.... you know when the parents would come to your classes and there was a new topic every month like drinking... drugs.. well that day it happened to be on anorexia and bulimia. I found out that if you are a girl and stop eating, your period will stop and you will not be able to have kids.... For those who know me very well... I LOVE kids! Kids are my life! The one thing I look forward to in life is to have a child! That week I started eating and exercising... With help from my friend Sarah I was back on track...
So now i've been through it all ... i've been disgustingly skinny and now overweight. I want to be healthy and fit! Hopefully be able to fit back into all my old clothes! I've recently started tracking my food... The time I eat and how much. I want to focus on 3 healthy meals a day and less snacking! And of course drink lots and LOTS of water! I'm already on my 5th glass for the day and feeling great! I also have started new workouts that are kicking my butt! I can hardly lift my arms! But, things are looking up and I feel good!
Please know that I am so sorry if I have missed anything important in your life. I've been gone for a while but, I am coming back! I know it's a long process and I have to be patient. But, just know the old me is coming back!
Me now... I look bad but my friends Anisa and Ali look fantastic!
Here is a picture of me when I was coming out of annorexia...
Now lets have me meet somewhere in the middle :)
