and again...

I'm so sorry that all I have are sad posts... but, it is because that is all I have been feeling. My family and Jordan set me up to see someone...

When the time came for my appointment I was so scared. I just kept telling Jordan "I don't want to cry, I am so sick of crying... I don't want to talk about anything... I don't want to go to this..." It was all true. But, having Jordan's support through all of this has really helped me. He truly knows how hard this has been/ is for me. I hardly sleep -- i'm sure many of you see me on Facebook, pinterest, instagram-- at weird hours, sometimes constantly... it's nice to be distracted - even if I have read the same post 8 times. I promise i'm not a facebook addict, it just keeps me distracted...  I am constantly crying, at least twice a day sometimes more... Everyone says it will get easier but, I find it is becoming harder. I am not myself and I know everyone who knows me can see that.

I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many happy and positive people... 3 of them are the cute girls I nanny. I do the best I can to keep it together when I am with them.. . Claire (2, still has a hard time understanding where Pocket is but, it is getting better. At first she would tell me "Pocket is at church Niece... it's okay." It would make me smile and tear up all at the same time.. She is so sweet...Abby (4 almost 5) has asked me why I am sad - and she can always tell when I am feeling down. She then will help me with her sisters and with anything I need. Ella (7) knew more about Pocket's heath when he wasn't doing well and she always sat with him and wanted pictures with him... So, when he passed it was hard on her. He was her first friend she knew that had gone to heaven. Her and I would cry together... I had given her a framed picture of her and Pocket hoping it would help...one day I couldn't find Ella anywhere. After I had looked through the entire house, I went back up to her room  and saw her closet light on. I opened the door and she was sitting in her closet crying holding the Picture of Pocket. My heart instantly sunk and I held back my tears and I asked her if she was okay. She shook her head no and I just hugged her. I think helping the girls, helped me. Though I am still hurting, I don't know where I would be with out them...

I just want to take this time to thank everyone who has helped me through this... Thank you to all the parents I work for... thank you for letting me take Pocket to work, dropping your kids off at my house so I could be with him... I work for some amazing people and I could not be more blessed. Thank you to everyone for all of your notes, flowers, and treats...they all mean so much to me... thank you!

Back to my appointment... I was nervous. Finally Jordan helped me get there... I was just holding back tears the entire time- Jordan spoke for me. When I could get words out, I would... but, it came down to being diagnosed with depression. I'm not new to depression... my father, brothers, and relatives have had depression. I have known for a long time that I have had it but, with Pocket being sick is when it all began declining and when Pocket passed away...that is when I crashed.

I have always felt that depression is all in your head... But, now having it and being told I have it.. ( I hope I explain this okay..) It is so hard to get out of this depressed state of mind..  Especially when I replay the worst day of my life in my head over and over and over again. I am so tired and my brain is just not working.. example: I have danced on and off for quite a while and have had no problem.. To attempt to distract my self more... I started dancing again. Dancing is my most favorite thing in the entire world but, I have had the hardest time. Getting the counts down, the steps down, what is next, where I am supposed to be.. it is just not there. Lucky for me the instructors for the class have posted videos on youtube to review- I can not tell you how much I have watched these videos- though I may not look like I have never seen the dance before... So, this also becomes so frustrating to me.. I've noticed trying to distract myself just gets me right back to depression... I have started not wanting to go to dance- that has NEVER happened to me before.. even when I was injured and it was painful to dance. It truly sucks- I am lucky to have wonderful friends in this class with their beautiful smiles and positive attitude to bring me up when I am there. So thank you to all of you too!

I am surrounded by such positivity and the one person I really need to thank is Jordan. I feel that any other guy in Jordan's position would have left me... Depression is a new thing for Jordan but, you wouldn't think it. He always is there, always is doing the right thing, and always takes my bull shit (sorry.. bad word... but, really explains how much he takes from me). He is my Prince Charming.

(Sorry i'm just typing as things come to my mind) Beginning of February... I thought I was ready to donate Pockets things to the animal shelter.. Jordan and I had gathered his things and were ready to go out the door. I picked up one of his beds and just collapsed to the ground and just sobbed. Jordan just hugged me and said "We don't need to go today, we don't need to ever take it away... it's okay" I just don't know how I can have such an emotional attachment to things he even hated like all of his medicine... But, I just can't do it. I keep telling myself that animals need it now but, it fully sucks.. I don't want it sitting in my room collecting dust, I don't want it to loose his sent, nor do I want all of his hairs to be cleaned off of it. So, what do I do with it? I can't even wash the sheets or the clothes I wore that last day.. They are stuffed in a bag.. I laugh and think... I am so dumb, what am I going to do with all of this stuff? Jordan Vacuumed the floor not too long after Pocket passed away and I got so mad at him... he had vacuumed up all of Pockets hairs, the carpet he lasted walked on... I cried after I realized I had cleaned his favorite jacket of mine to lay on...Why is this so hard?

I am sorry for anyone who reads this and is not a dog person, or is a dog person but thinks I am out of my mind crazy ... but, Pocket is my baby and always will be. Pocket was apart of my life from when I was 10 years old to when I was 23...He was always there for me, was always happy to see me, was always there to love me when I was sad, would drive in the car with me anywhere... I was there for him to take him to the vet, to find out why he was sick, to give him all his medications 2-3 times a day, I was there when they said he had months left, I was there when he took his last breath. I miss him everyday, every hour, every minute, and every second. I always wonder if him jumping up onto my shoulder for that last second- if he was telling me that he was not ready-- did I make the right choice? It is an on going battle of -what if-... It sucks. But, I guess that is what happens when you loose a big part of your heart...

I am so glad that I will be re-united with him again and I hope he know why everything happened the way it did, I hope he know how much I miss him and think about him.. Thank you all again for being so wonderful.. my Mom, Dad, Brothers, Jordan, Friends, and Family-- I don't know where I would be with out you...


This is a video of Pocket coming to see me in the Office while I was doing homework :)

Pocket is home with us and in heaven

Yesterday morning I felt Pocket when I was laying in bed. All through the night Pocket would randomly kick us with his back legs if he wanted us to move.. I felt him do that . I kinda opened my eyes when it happened.. then thought if it was a dream I don't want to wake up! So, I quickly closed my eyes trying to stay asleep. I laid there with my eyes closed remembering the page in the book saying that angel dogs come to visit their owners. Pocket was visiting us, telling us he was okay... Was he prepping me for what I was going to hear later that night?

Later that day, after seeing a movie I received a voicemail saying Pockets Ashes were ready to be picked up.. my heart sunk. I don't know why but I was scared. I also thought it was weird how they said his ashes are ready to be picked up.. it almost upset me how the girl said it in the voicemail. I was standing next to my mom and she asked me what was wrong... I had her listen to the voicemail she instantly started to cry with me. We then went and found jordan and he saw us crying and we had him listen to the voicemail. My dad hugged my mom as she told him and Jordan just hugged me. We were at the movie theater and it was so crowded but at that moment it seemed like it was just us...

We began to drive home and jordan asked what I want to do. I told him I wanted Pocket to celebrate the new year with us. We got to my parents and asked if they would come with us. My mom said she can't and began to cry.. My dad said he will drive us.

As we got closer to AVC- the same place we were a week and a day ago giving our Pocket our last kisses... My heart was freaking out. I kept telling myself to breath and to stay calm. I the said a prayer to Pocket, Grandma, and our heavenly father to please keep me calm and to help me remember it is just his shell and his spirit is in heaven watching over me...

We parked outside and my Dad and Jordan asked if I was ready. I opened the door and jordan grabbed my hand and walked me into the building. I then thought.. what do I say I am here for? I had never ever seen the receptionists that were there... they looked at me confused as well.. So, I said exactly what the girl had said in the voicemail. "I am here to pick up Pocket's ashes." I eyes started instantly tearing up. Jordan grabbed me and hugged me. The receptionist had walked to the back and when she came back she was hold a very nice looking paper bag. On the bag it said family animal services of Utah. I grabbed it from her.. it was so light. I tried to open it to see Pocket.. Jordan told me to wait until we got into the car. Tears just kept rolling down my face.. The receptionists then gave me Pocket's pillow and I lost it. I put the paper bag that held Pocket on the pillow and walked out to the car.

As soon as I sat down I opened the ribbon and opened the bag. I then saw the sweetest, tiniest, and cutest wooden box. I pulled it out of the bag gently and kissed it. Jordan and I began to cry in the back seat while my dad was in the front crying with us. My dad kept saying "I am so sorry Denise"... For some reason I felt more calm. He was with me and no longer needed to be in a hospital away from me. I think we made a good choice getting him cremated because he is in our warm house with us, not in the cold ground where we can only visit him. He is now forever going to be with me.

I held Pocket's box on my lap along with his blanket and pillow. I honestly was petting the box imagining Pocket... and he was so happy to be back in my arms too.

We got home and I could see my mom in the kitchen trying to distract herself. I walked in and sat on the couch.. Jordan got to my mother to tell her Pocket is home and she instantly started crying and Jordan hugged her (Talk about an emotional week) My dad then went to hug her and Jordan came and sat next to me. My mom eventually made it over to sit next to me and we both had tears streaming down our face.  She put her hand on Pocket's wooden box and cried. My dad says I think Denise made the right choice because he is here to celebrate the new year with us....

We celebrated and watched fireworks for the first time in 13 years... We would usually be in a closet with Pocket or in the mountains away from the fireworks. We held Pocket and together we watch the sky light up- New years is so much cooler now that the awesome fireworks are legal!

I have been much more calm with Pocket home- here and in heaven. I miss him and there is not a second that goes by that I don't think of him... But, I know he is happy, healthy, safe and watching over us :)

My best Friend Sarah gave me this angel and said "I hope this will help remind you that you will be re-united with Pocket again." Here is another wonderful poem about loosing your pet... Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind (except we know Pocket is with grandma, and jordan's brother & sister).They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....  -Author Unknown...

I don't know how many people even follow this blog... Since I truly only post once a year. But, it's nice to get everything out there and if people want to read it, they can! It is a long story and I give almost every detail... I feel I needed to get this out there and talk about it... so here it goes...

Pocket went to heaven on December 23rd at 11:57am....exactly one week ago...here is the story...

All a sudden Pocket had just stopped moving. He was just constantly laying down and when we would try to pick him up, pet him, or even kiss him on his head... He would yelp. I suddenly go into panic mode and Jordan and I instantly ran him into the ER. Everyone at Advanced Veterinary Care (AVC) knew us by name. When we walked in they could see Pocket wasn't doing well. We soon found out that Pocket had a pinch nerve in his back that cause his right arm to not work. From the x-rays we also found out that Pocket's spine was compressed in some areas and was possibly hurting. The doctor told is the best thing would be to put Pocket on steroids for his back and pinched nerve... The only thing was, being out on steroids could cause his heart to grown more. Pocket already was diagnosed with a heart murmur ( which can cause fluid to go into the lungs), heart disease ( which caused him to have an enlarged heart), and a collapsing trachea (causing his breathing space to be a small straw- but, always had enough oxygen). Even though Pocket had all of these, he NEVER showed signs of being in pain. Pocket was always happy and wanting to play. Even the specialists and Vets told us- he is NOT in pain. Which is conforting to know because we would never want him in pain.

ANYWAYS - putting him on steroids was a risk . So, they put him on the smallest amount possible. Two Days later he was his happy little self- running and playing and loving life. But, we did fear this was the good before the bad...and it was...

A week later pocket's coughing sounded worse... We went in and the vet told us that the steroids help you retain water and he seemed to have a bit more fluid in his lungs. They took him off the steroids and they upped his medication that basically dries him out they also gave us a pill that helped him not cough. Because this pill makes him so drowsy and loopy they said give it to him as needed. 

He did really well with his new dosage and pills for about 2 days. Then he started refusing his medication. I would probably do the same if I was taking 8-9 pills once or twice a day. We were always eventually able to get him to take his meds with hiding it in chicken, peanut butter, French fries- whatever got him to take them! Sometimes it would take an hour or more to get him to take them...

At this point I was very emotional because I didn't want him to start hurting. Plus I was maybe getting 2-3 hours of sleep around this time.  He was my baby and I had been fearing this day ever since they told us about his heart murmur and when they told us he just had a few months left ( in July).

Three days went by and Jordan came home from work. Pocket and I were sitting in the couch and i had just finished nannying at my parents house and Jordan came over to kiss Pocket on the head and hem yelped. I broke down into tears. Jordan and I agreed that his back was hurting again and so we gave him half a dose of his steroid medication. Instantly he was back up and eating and happy. It was a roller coaster of emotions.... It was 2 days before Christmas Eve and I had not gotten Jordan any Christmas presents.... So I went out seeing that Pocket was doing better and Jordan was home to be with him. 

My parents and I were in the same location so my dad took my car home and my mom shopped with me. I planned to be gone for only an hour- but, when my dad took my car home I ended up having to help my mom shop for everyone. We were gone for 3-4 hours. The entire time I was getting ready to have a panic attack from being gone from Pocket so long - super separation anxiety- Pocket has it too! I hate myself for not being home on this night...

Finally we got home and I was so tired! We got Pocket to take a coughing/ drowsy  pill so I could sleep more then a few hours. Every time he started coughing I sat right up and pet him until he stopped. This happened way more then the past few nights. In the morning I woke up and woke Pocket up to go potty. As  soon as I did you could tell he didn't get any sleep and that he was so tired and worn out from the coughing. The coughing had gotten so bad that he was coughing with his entire body. Once I woke him up all I got from him was inhale, cough, inhale, cough, inhale, cough. I took him outside to see if it would help... It did not. I picked him up, woke Jordan up and we left to the ER.

 He was so tired that his coughing had weakened but it had not stopped. I began crying my eyes out. Jordan looked at me with tears and said "Denise, I think he is telling you that it's time." I replied "I know and that is why I can't stop crying...."  I began to talk to Pocket and tell him he was going to be better soon and that he was going to see Grandma... Jordan began to cry more. I told Pocket the coughing and pain would be over soon. I tried keeping it together as best as I could.

Today was December 23rd tomorrow as Christmas Eve and then the next day was Christmas- the day I had got him as a Christmas present 13 years ago.... That made everything so much harder. I wanted him to be with us for Christmas.

 The specialist walked in and could tell that we had been crying. We had told him how the past week had gone since we last saw him also that we gave him a bit of the steroid medication last night- he said that was the right thing to do. He asked for us to put Pocket down so he could see him walk. Normally when we take Pocket to the ER he stops coughing because he is so nervous and his muscles tense up... This time he did not ever stop coughing.

The doctor told us options. He said since he won't take his pills I would have to start doing injections- he would be getting poked many times a day.. That can possibly give him a few more weeks...but he will either be coughing uncontrollably, or be in pain with his back. No one wants to live their last weeks like that. I knew what was coming so I started crying and shaking uncontrollably... He said to me "Denise, at this point he has no quality of life. No one wants to live like this. It is up to you, what do you want to do." I couldn't talk... I was paralyzed. These were the longest few minutes if my life... I finally said " I think you're right. He is hurting and is tired of feeling like this. I began to cry even more. I have dreaded having to make the choice my entire life. Jordan began to cry and left the room to call my family to come down. The specialist said take as long as you need and let us know when you are all ready....

I have never held Pocket like I held him that day. I didn't want to scare him or make him nervous... So I laid him down on his blanket and pillow. In the room their are small benches, I made his little bed there and laid him down. He was the most calm and quiet he has been all week.  I didn't want to cry.. I wanted to stay calm for him and just love him. Jordan came back in and we both kneeled beside him and just prayed. Pocket was so calm that I didn't want to go through with it. I said a prayer to my Grandma and just said " if it is time please, tell me that it is time and that I am doing the right thing." Instantly Pocket did the worst coughing he had done... He had coughed so hard that a snot like fluid was coming out of his nose.  He honestly looked miserable and ...that at killed me more then anything. 

My family finally got there and it was 2 hours filled with just loving, kissing, holding, crying, and remembering with Pocket. Once again his coughing worsened. I was holding him and crying saying"no". The specialist came in with a technician and said they were just going to put the catheter into his back leg. We laid his on the table on his pillow. He didn't move once. I remember seeing his blood come out of the catheter and then Pocket started to move around and become nervous... Of course his blood got all over his back leg. I ran right over to his face to calm him down and tell him it's okay and he was fine. The specialist apologized for getting his blood on his leg and while he was wrapping it up told us that it doesn't't hurt him. (now everytime I see blood I think of this and can't get it out of my head- I hate it.. of course I have had a bloody nose almost every day this week.) I continued holding him and my heart sunk every time I accidentally touched the catheter in his leg. 

About 15 ,minutes later I could hear footsteps outside the door coming down the hallway I started saying "no...no..." And crying. The specialist who had been helping us with Pocket the past year and a half, Dr. seshadri, asked if I was ready... I just cried, hugged, and kissed  Pocket. I just kept saying over and over and over again "it's going to be okay!" At that point I don't know if I was reassuring myself or Pocket.... My dad and brother Grayson said they couldn't be in there and they both stepped out. Jordan and my mom stayed with me but stood up so I could be with my baby boy and hold him.

 Dr. Seshadri began to put the medicine in... First they put in the medicine that helps him feel no pain... pocket instantly jumped up onto my shoulder and I started crying more and I know at this point I was screaming to get out the words "it's going to be okay!" I then felt his arm go limp. I can't describe how that is the worst feeling in the world...  I was screaming and crying, I couldn't breath. I was holding him so tight and jus t crying. I then heard the doctor tell jordan and my mom "he's gone".... 

"No!" That is all I kept saying. I have never cried so much in my life. I just kept my eyes closed. I didn't want to open them. - I think it was because I wanted this all to be a dream. My dad came in and sat next to me crying and telling me "I am so sorry". About a half an hour later my crying had stopped and I was just holding him, petting him, kissing him, and loving him. I didn't want to leave him. My family kept saying he is better now... He is with Grandma Dorothy- he is not alone. Grandma is spoiling him and he is running with out coughing, he can breathe, he has all his teeth, and his heart is the size it needs to be. His spirit is in heaven and I just have his outer shell. I still didn't want to leave him. 

We were at the hospital for 4- 5 more hours and I just held him and kept telling Jordan and my dad I was not ready.  My mom and Grayson had left earlier because Grayson had to go to work and my mom took him home. Jordan and my Dad were so wonderful and helped me prepare for the hardest part... Leaving him. It was almost Christmas and I didn't want him to be alone... My heart was broken thinking that he would be alone. My mom sent Jordan a picture from Pocket's papers- it was a picture of the day my parents bought and picked up Pocket 12-23-1999...Exactly 13 years ago. 

Pocket all a sudden was cold all over, no color, and just stiff, it was so strange to me. I looked at him and knew that my bubba was in heaven and at that moment realized what my family had been telling me, it wasn't Pocket anymore- it was only his outer shell and that he would be with us for Christmas in spirit. Pocket has a pillow that my grandma gave him- it is his favorite! We asked the staff if we could leave the pillow with Pocket and then get it back when we could. Everyone knew about Pocket and his pillow and smiled and everyone said of course! I then looked at him one last time, kissed him one last time, and held him one last time. I then took a deep breath and gave Pocket who was laying on his pillow to one of the technicians. I said to him " I love you, be safe, kisses, I'll be seeing you soon..." I always said to him "I love you, be safe, kisses, bye bye" when I would leave him with my parents when I had to go somewhere... But, I didn't want to say goodbye because I knew I would see him again. 

It has been the hardest week of my life. I had no idea I could cry this many tears.... I just want to thank everyone for all of your love, prayers, and support with Pocket. I also want to thank Advanced Veterinary Care (AVC) & dr. Seshadri  for all their help and care. Thank you to the families I nanny for for guving me the time off I needed to have with Pocket and for always letting me have him at work with me. I also want to thank my family for all of their help and taking care of Pocket and making him a part of our family 13 years ago...but, I mostly want to thank Jordan... I don't know any guy that would change his entire life for his wife's dog. I think if I had marry any other guy, he would have left me so fast. But, Jordan loved Pocket as much as I did. So, he and I stopped going on vacations, stopped going out, always shared the bed with Pocket and let him sleep wherever he wanted (even if it as right next to his face), he would help me pay for all of the vet bills and medications. I could go on with all he did... He changed his life for me and for Pocket and it means more to me then he will ever know...

Pocket is not our pet, he is family. He is my little boy and I can't wait to see him and be with him again. It is comforting to know that he is not alone in heaven... He is with my grandma ( one of his favorite people), with Jordan's brother and sister ( Jordan says he is extremely jealous that Pocket gets to meet them before him), and with anyone that has passed that knew Pocket- everyone that has met him, loves him. I know he is being taken care of and is watching over me too. I hope he knows how much I love him and how much I miss him. My heart has a big hole in it, my life has a big hole in it. For 13 years of my life, I have been taking care of Pocket and he has always been by my side.

The only way I can explain how life is for me right now is that it is weird.

I have rarely let go of Pocket's blanket, I can't get rid of any of Pocket's things-  I even put his water bowl in the freezer because I just can't dump it out. I have a spoon with peanut butter on my night stand that I can't clean off either- I used that for his medicine. I also don't want to wear or wash the clothes I wore with him on his last day on earth.  It's all just hard.

My family, friends, and Jordan have really helped me through all this and especially a book that my cousin, her daughter, and my aunt Debbie gave me. It's called 'dog heaven' by: Cynthia Rylant. This is my favorite part of the book....

"Dogs in dog heaven have almost always belonged to somebody on earth and, of 

course the dogs remember this. Heaven is full of memories. So sometimes an angel will 

walk a dog back to earth for a little visit and quietly, invisibly, the dog will sniff about 

his old backyard, will investigate the cat next door, will follow the child to school, will 

sit on the front porch and wait for the mail. When he satisfied that all is well, the dog 

will return to heaven with the angel. It is where dogs belong, near to God who made 

them...."

When i'm not holding Pocket's blanket.. I always set it next to me just the way he liked it- so he can lay down in it.. because I know he visits me often :)

I know we will be together again...

Pocket

Pocket, My little boy... has a lot going on.
Pocket has a heart murmur and Heart Disease. His heart is enlarged and is making it harder and harder for him to breathe.. Though he shows no signs of being in pain.. His body is slowly becoming a challenge for him.

Pocket received an ultrasound yesterday.. they told his Pocket has months left. I broke down. I've known for a long time that this would happen. I thought I had prepped myself to hear how much time he has left but, I don't think anyone could prep themselves on that type of information on someone they love... Pocket has been my life for so long and I'm scared to imagine how life is going to be with out him with me.

I'm trying to enjoy my last months with him but, knowing that these are his last months.. I can't stop crying, I can't stop thinking about what i'm going to do when the time comes to make him comfortable and send him up to be with my Grandma in heaven. I don't want to take him to a vet hospital to be put down.. he hates going to hospitals. I don't want that last place we take him to be in a hospital.. I would prefer it to be at my families home but, will I ever be able to walk into that room or home again?  I also can't help to think about what to do with him after.. wether I have him cremated .. if I do he will be with us in our home.. But, what if something happens.. like a fire or something where I could loose him again. Do I have him buried in a pet cemetery? If I do.. he would always be safe right? But,  he won't be close to us he'll be far away and not with me.. He has always been with me. I don't know if i could handle him being away. But, I do know that when I die... he will be buried with me.

I don't want to think about this stuff.. but, I can't stop.. Do I need to be prepared? Who do I go to? What do I do? Am I going to be able to give him away to someone after they put him to sleep? It's going to be so hard to leave him.... To walk away from him... To say goodbye to him. I am such a mess now.. I don't even know how I am going to be...

I don't know what is worse.. waiting around for the time to happen or when he will be gone. I feel they are both going to be just as hard. I look at him every day and I don't want to leave his side because I am so afraid something is going to happen while i'm gone.. even if it is for just 15 minutes.

I know some of you may think.. how can you be like this over a dog? But, he is my child. I honestly can't put it any other way. I love him so much.

Pocket is my first pet. Please let me know about your experiences and options that you did for your pets and what you did to help yourself. I am needing guidance.

I love my job(s)!

I just want to brag for a few moments on how awesome my job is. I have worked with some amazing children who I still occasionally get to work with and love every moment of it! Not only are the children awesome... the parents are too! I have been so blessed to work with these families and even become apart of their family. I love being called Nanny Neese and absolutely love hearing little voices say it. I am also called Mrs. Denise in my ABA therapist jobs. I love all the memories I have with all of these wonderful children and can't wait for many more to come! 

 (Job #5) This is Bryan- I was his job coach for almost a year at Jungle Jims. He is a handsome 26 year old who has been diagnosed with cerebral palsy who is at a ten year old level. He is so much fun to hang out with and can always put a smile on my face. He loved to play video games, play the drums, sing, and volunteer at the shelters- he loved to walk the BIG dogs, especially labs. 

(3)  This is Emma. She is now 1 years old! I've known her since she was born! She is Bryan's Niece and Jessie's (below) little sister. It is a joy to watch her and jessie whenever I get the chance! I think it is crazy how fast these children grow!

(3)  This is Jessie. I started watching her when she was 6 months old. Now she is 3 and growing GROWING! Her family hired me and right before my 3rd week of work... my appendix burst! I called her on my way to the hospital telling her I would not be able to make it to work tomorrow and probably not for a while... Any parent would get a new nanny... Not them! They made it work until I came back to work just over a month later. I'm so glad they waited for me because, I could not imagine a life with out them in it! Jessie was also one of my flower girls at my wedding. That was when she was just learning how to walk! CRAZY!

 (6) This is sweet Jacqueline! Jacqueline was diagnosed with high functioning autism. Honestly, you would never know. She is the sweetest gal! She is also very smart (she also LOVES Disney!)! I was first hired as a weekend babysitter so mom & dad could have a night out. I then was hired as Jacqueline's school shadow. That was when I first became trained in ABA(Applied Behavior Analysis). Jacqueline was put into a private school and she was the only one with autism in her class. I was there to monitor Jacqueline's behavior and help her through the day. We had our tough times but also had wonderful times! Jacqueline soon no longer needed me in the class with her..I missed going to school with her and the entire class! I still get to watch her every now and then. I love it!

(8) These 3 gals are who I am watching now Claire (Above), Abby & Ella (Below). I have never had so much fun! These girls love to be outside, sing, dance, stay busy! Which is wonderful for me! I wish I had sisters like them when I was growing up! They are so sweet to each other! I am so excited for them to get out of school so we can all hang out and do so many more things! I hope I get to stay with these cute girls for a LONG time!!

(4) This is Linnea & Mady. I was there nanny before I got married. I was so sad when they moved away! Luckily i'm friend with their mom on Facebook so I get to see pictures of them lots! I can't believe how big they are!  When I watched these girls they always kept me busy! My best friend Sarah was their other nanny too! That made it fun so we could all hang out together!

 (2) This is Kaas and Kora with their cute mom. I watched these cute kids right when I got back from working in Walt Disney World! They were a blast! I am also friends with their mom on Facebook and enjoy seeing them grow! These kids were such a wonderful brother and sister, I wish my brother and I were like them! 

 (1) This is Riley! Riley was the first child I nannied! I've known him for forever! I can't believe how grown up he is! He makes me nervous to have kids- they grow too fast! But, when I do have children, I hope they are just like Riley. Riley was also in my wedding as a ring barer. A very handsome one! I still have so much fun with Riley! My family absolutely loves him! We all can't wait to see what the future brings for him!

(7) This is Hailey. Hailey has been diagnosed with Autism. She is also non-verbal, meaning that she doesn't talk. I'm Hailey's ABA therapist a few days a week. Hailey has definitely been a wonderful girl to work with! She is absolutely beautiful! I know that one day she will be able to have a way to communicate  with her family and friends- she is so smart and knows what we are saying... she just has a hard time getting the words out herself. I can't wait to see more progress with Hailey!

Inbetween all theses families I have also had short here and there babysitting jobs and have met wonderful people doing it! I feel they have all changed my life and I hope I have changed theirs! If you are interested in becoming a nanny I would recommend starting at care.com. I have found 6/7 of my families on there along with my short baby sitting jobs. I'm so grateful for all the wonderful jobs that I have had and do have! I can't wait to see what the future brings! I can't wait to become a Special Education teacher so I can teach more children like Jacqueline, Bryan, and Hailey! 

Jordan's 2nd Commercial

Jordan is the bartender on the left of the screen :)

Jordan's Commercial

We still have yet to see it on tv.. But, everyone has messaged Jordan once they have seen it :) it's been so fun! If you have not seen it yet... here it is!: